| Fashion News Wyoming |
A blast from the past
By HANNAH WIEST
Star-Tribune staff writer
My family's Christmas tree is anything but trendy.
Oh, it may have been once -- in 1986, when popcorn strings were all the rage and tinsel hadn't yet been replaced by those "real" looking plastic
icicles. We even named our cat after the strips of foil that my mother and brother heaped onto each branch, much to the chagrin of my one-strand-
at-a-time father.
Funny thing is, I didn't realize our tree was such a fashion faux pas until this year when I decided to write about Christmas decorations for a Home
and Garden feature.
To begin my research, I Googled "popcorn strings." I got 1,320,000 hits, many telling me my family's most prized decoration was "quaint," "old-
fashioned" and a "blast from the past." It was a rough blow. I briefly considered Googling "tinsel" but decided I didn't have the heart to watch the
death of my second most beloved holiday decoration.
Instead, I went to Casper's Christmas Cottage. Owner Sheila Cooper goes to market every January. There the powers-that-be unveil the trendy
colors and designs for the upcoming Christmas. This year, for any of you who want to keep up with the Joneses (or who simply fear being as out
of it as the Wiest clan), the hip colors are black, silver and white -- with accents of red. Strings of black gem-looking beads have replaced the
popcorn of yore. Silver balls throw elegance around like a well-to-do lady dressed in her best evening gown.
My Google search on popcorn strings also hinted they were used by the not-so-well-to-do. But, as a blissfully ignorant child, I had no idea we
were poor. Then again, there was that one year I asked Santa for only two things: underpants and one jingle bell. He granted my wishes. I was
happy.
So, black, silver and white -- with accents of red. Not your style? That's OK, Cooper says. Luckily in Wyoming, moose and western themes never
go out of style. Go ahead and load up on boot, hat, spur, horse and outhouse ornaments. Modern technology has even propagated specialty lights
used to highlight the theme of a tree. They range from hot peppers to snowflakes, pine cones and bubble lights that won't set the tree on fire like
they did in the '40s. Oh, and these red camping lanterns that look like they came straight out of an L.L. Bean catalog.
I began to feel a little more at ease about our "blast from the past" tree when I discovered outhouses were cool. It gave me enough nerve to call on
one of the Wyoming Symphony's Holiday Home Tour houses, which had each been gussied up by local merchants in the holiday's latest.
Mike and Glenda Thomas have a rustic house, and for the home tour the merchants capitalized on this country feel, Glenda says. (The color
scheme and feel of a house are good inspiration for decorations, Cooper says, so if you're looking for a new look, look at your surroundings.)
Antique furniture, old-timey place mats and an earth-toned nativity set gave the Thomas house a warm, Christmas at the cabin feel -- except in the
basement. There, Glenda and her 4-year-old daughter Kassidy set up the rubber ducky tree. Yes, it is covered with yellow ducks and blue
Christmas balls that look like bubbles. Kassidy's Grandpa bought it for her a few years ago at the Festival of Trees.
The Thomases have four kids all under the age of 4, so the rubber duck tree is perfect.
"We just have to be careful to decorate from the waste up," Glenda says. "It's a special tree. And what's really special about it this year is that our
family is joining us. I was thinking as I was decorating it how fun this Christmas is going to be."
Right on, Glenda. When it comes right down to it, decorating for Christmas is fun.
That's why Cooper calls her store a happy store.
"No humbugs come in, that's for sure," she says.
If happy and fun for you is keeping up with the latest trends, go for it. If it's a soccer tree that pays homage to David Beckham, go for it. It it's
outhouses ... you get the idea.
As for me, I'm going to drive home this weekend and revel in some family time.
We will put the Mannheim Steamroller tape into the tape player and laugh at how the squeaks from overuse are louder than the music.
We will string on our "retro" oversized rainbow lights.
We will hang the "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments and a select few silver balls. But mostly we'll hang the homemade Popsicle stick, yarn, clay
and 20-year-old gingerbread ornaments that will never, ever be thrown away. And we'll still like them because they bring back great memories. We
especially like the paper mache "Joy" ornament. It's the size of a football and threatens to topple the tree every year. Then there's the accidental
Playboy bunny my brother crafted with clay when he was 4. He even painted it black with a white tail.
With plenty of pomp to honor its age and frailty, we'll detangle the popcorn strands my mother strung when I was 3. We'll laugh about all the
pieces that became snacks for our dog and cat. And we'll give thanks for all our Christmases, rich and poor, hip and not-so-hip, because we always
had fun.
Life without an iPhone
By JAMES WARDEN, News-Record Writer
Published: Sunday, November 25, 2007 12:00 AM MST
“Touching is believing.”
Thus sayeth Apple about its iPhone.
Unfortunately, local residents won’t know for some time whether the company’s newest offering deserves their faith because they can’t
touch it here in Gillette.
The iPhone is hardly alone in its absence from the area. Wyoming is large and sparsely populated, and that can delay the arrival of the
latest goods and services.
The holiday shopping season that started Friday tests the tech-savvy on a particularly biblical scale, as omnipresent catalogs and out-of-
state commercials tease geeks with the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
But while those sexy Apple ads can make it hard to believe in life without an iPhone, the Christmas shopping season need not spark a
crisis of faith: Some of the latest goods are already here, others are just around the corner and many have viable alternatives.
MORE MAJOR WIRELESS PROVIDERS
- What it is: An expansion from the duopoly that Verizon and Alltel now effectively have in Campbell County.
- Why you want it: One word: iPhone. Until manufacturers start making phones that can jump between wireless providers, local
residents will be stuck staring wistfully at ads for sleek phones not available in Campbell County. Even if all phones were made to work
seamlessly between rival providers, manufacturers could still choose to limit the hottest phones to a single provider — as Apple and
AT&T did with the iPhone. Quite simply, the more providers offering local service, the more access Gillette residents have to the best-
selling phones.
- Cost: Comparable to the cell phone service you’re paying for now — just with a different logo on the back of that shiny touch-screen
you’ve been eyeing.
- Who’s got it now: Areas with a lot of people in a limited space tend to have the most wireless carriers.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Not enough people, said Roger Entner, a telecom expert and senior vice president of communications at
New York-based IAG Research. Carriers are barred from selling service in an area where they don’t have towers, but towers are
expensive. To make a profit, companies need about 1,000 subscribers for every wireless tower they put up. Most cities need a few towers.
So even when existing companies have just 60 percent market penetration, it can be a risky proposition for a new company to move in
on their turf. The arithmetic is so straightforward that Entner accurately guessed the number of major carriers as soon as he learned
Gillette’s population.
- Prospects: The signal’s pretty clear that Gillette will be stuck with two major carriers for the foreseeable future.
- Alternatives: Options are limited for carriers, but manufacturers have announced a plethora of touch-screen, multimedia phones
similar to the iPhone for virtually all carriers. Verizon’s Voyager, which has already debuted, bears a particular resemblance to the
iPhone and has been getting good reviews.
FIBER TO THE PREMISES (FTTP)
- What it is: Fiber-optic connections right into the home. While the telecommunications system is largely fiber optic now, most homes
have slower copper wires running the last few blocks to the home.
- Why you want it: Better TV picture quality, clearer phone services and faster Internet. FiOS, Verizon’s FTTP service, now offers
speeds up to 10 times that of a typical cable modem connection, and the company has tested speeds twice that rate, said Sharon Cohen-
Hagar, a spokeswoman for the company.
- Cost: Verizon has plans that include TV, phone and Internet for about $100 a month. Internet-only plans range from $40 to $180 a
month, depending on the speed.
- Who’s got it now: Verizon, the largest FTTP provider, offers its FiOS service in parts of the northeast, Texas, Florida and California.
As of September, more than 2 million homes in North America have direct fiber connections, according to the Fiber to the Home
Council, an organization that promotes the technology. The overwhelming majority of those homes are in the United States.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Prohibitive start-up costs. Access to FTTP requires laying new fiber-optic wires, said Stephen Hardy,
editorial director of Lightwave, a magazine for the fiber-optic industry. That is much more costly than hooking up cable or reworking a
copper-wire network to allow speedier DSL service. Fiber-optic cable often simply isn’t laid unless a project already requires digging up
streets or stringing wire. Consequently, the service is still very much a niche product; just 2 percent of U.S. households have direct
fiber connections.
- Prospects: “Unlikely at any time in the foreseeable future,” Cohen-Hagar said. Verizon has no plans to expand FiOS beyond the
company’s old network — which doesn’t run into Wyoming. There are some signs of hope. Fiber optic networks are cheaper to
maintain than traditional copper-wire networks, Hardy said. Verizon’s market muscle could also whittle down vendors’ costs and make
the technology more attractive to smaller companies. Yet he estimates that it will be about a decade before companies switch over to
fiber entirely.
- Alternatives: Cable Internet and DSL. While these high-speed connections are already starting to seem commonplace, nearly half of
American households have no Internet or just a dial-up connection.
APPLE RETAIL STORES
- What it is: A traditional brick-and-mortar store stocked with Apple products and run by the company itself.
- Why you want it: Forget waiting precious days for that crucial iPod accessory to arrive by mail. Just drop into the store, pick up the
item and get back to enjoying tunes the way you like ‘em. Add in personal shopping assistance, seminars and a one-on-one training,
and you have the techie equivalent of a Sunset Boulevard fashion boutique.
- Cost: Depends on what you’re looking for. Many accessories cost about $30, while the latest Mac or MacBook Pro can run well into
the thousands.
- Who’s got it now: Apple has more than 200 stores worldwide, but Gillette residents must drive 335 miles to Boulder, Colo., or
Broomfield, Colo., to shop at one. The company doesn’t have a single store in Wyoming, and it has just six in Colorado and Utah,
Wyoming’s only neighbors with an Apple retailer.
- What’s holding Gillette back: An Apple spokeswoman said the company generally doesn’t talk about the types of markets in which it
likes to establish retail stores. But the list of the current stores shows that Apple stores center on densely populated metropolitan areas.
Colorado, a state with 4.8 million people, has just five stores. Utah has only one store for its 2.6 million people. Wyoming, a state with a
mere 500,000 people, is hardly the only state without a store. When the tech hubs of California, Oregon and Washington are
discounted, almost half the states west of the Mississippi lack an Apple retail store.
- Prospects: Chances are slimmer than the newest iPod Nano.
- Alternatives: Those intent on Apple-branded products can log on to the online store at http://store.apple.com. But Apple products have
become so pervasive that traditional retailers offer most types of third-party accessories.
CITYWIDE WIRELESS INTERNET
- What it is: Internet service that can be picked up anywhere in town.
- Why you want it: To access the Internet wherever you go. Sure, coffee shops and other businesses provide similar service. But you don’
t have to scrape together enough change for a cup of coffee or — let’s be honest — stand outside the business like a panhandler while
you check your e-mail for free.
- Cost: Generally free or low-cost.
- Who’s got it now: A diverse group of cities. Smaller communities have used taxpayer money to set up free, public Wi-Fi networks in
areas not served by private Internet service providers. Metropolitan areas, on the other hand, have tended to work with privately funded
companies to provide for-pay service, although this is often subsidized to reduce costs for low-income residents.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Priorities. The city has been working for the past two years to build a wireless network, said city
Administrative Services Director Pam Boger, who heads the committee that is exploring the issue. Yet the goal of this network is to
allow city employees to provide more efficient service, not to offer free Internet access to residents. Police officers, for example, could
receive details about a suspect in their patrol cars or city utilities could access information on a resident’s water use without needing to
send a meter reader by the home. The committee plans to present further details about the project to the City Council in January.
- Prospects: “At this point, we’re not looking at something accessible for the public,” Boger said. “Maybe some day, but that is not our
top priority.”
- Alternatives: Coffee shops have been the traditional domain of wireless Internet, but even some fast food restaurants such as
McDonald’s have it now.
LOCAL TV STATIONS
- What it is: Local TV
- Why you want it: To make sure you’re able to find out the results of that Camel game or City Council debate when you flip on the 5 o’
clock news.
- Cost: Free to the consumer.
- Who’s got it now: Cities of all sizes across the country have local TV stations, but the Wyoming Broadcasters Association lists just
three cities with major, for-profit TV stations: Jackson, Cheyenne and Casper, which has two stations.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Money, said Bill Sullivan, a TV representative for the Broadcasters Association and general manager of
KCWY-TV in the Casper area. Starting up a station is expensive, and advertising revenues are hard to come by. Sullivan has a $500,000
budget for his news operation alone. Regulations make it hard even to air Wyoming channels broadcast from outside Gillette because
the city is in Denver’s “designated market area.” Thus, KCWY, an NBC affiliate, can’t bring service to Gillette without slashing all the
programming it has in common with the Colorado NBC station that already has a channel here. “Of course, no one wants to run a
quarter of a network.”
- Prospects: Not a pretty picture. “Wyoming isn’t an area that’s known for making money in the broadcast business,” Sullivan said.
- Alternatives: Gillette Public Access TV offers coverage of some local sporting events, including high school football and dirt track
racing. Beyond that, out-of-state TV stations are the rule.
WIRELESS BROADBAND
- What it is: A way for mobile phones to access the Internet at speeds comparable to speedy in-home cable Internet.
- Why you want it: The iPhone has given mobile phone users a vision of surfing the Web with a fully functioning browser. But if you
don’t have high-speed access, forget about it. You wouldn’t watch your favorite YouTube videos with dial-up, would you? Wireless
companies also offer specialized content — such as TV shows, music downloads and GPS directions — through their own broadband-
based services, as with Verizon’s V-Cast and Alltel’s Axcess.
- Cost: Providers generally require customers to subscribe to one of the company’s premium plans, which usually start at $20 to $30
more than a traditional plan. Packages with access just to the specialized content can usually be added onto a plan for between $15 and
$20.
- Who’s got it now: Coverage is comparable to mobile phone coverage a few years ago: It’s not everywhere, but it’s fast becoming
ubiquitous. Densely populated areas and major thoroughfares are most likely to have coverage.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Nada. Gillette fits squarely into the evolutionary roll-out of these products.
- Prospects: Just got up and running. In October, Verizon and Alltel both launched their EV-DO service — the version of wireless
broadband used by those companies, among others. While wireless customers may have started to see bars popping up on their phone’s
“EV” meter several months ago, the service was just in its testing phase then. Now, though, the system is ready for anyone who wants to
jump on board. The downside? A company’s wireless broadband service works only with that company’s phones. If you don’t have
Verizon or Alltel, you’re out of luck in Gillette.
- Alternatives: None needed.
A Dose of Reality: Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants - December 12: Lesson One - Shut Up, Look Pretty
by R.J. Carter
Published: December 12, 2007
I have to wonder sometimes if the Hussein estate is collecting royalty off every "Mother of all..." things that get to bandy about the
title. Now it's finally lost enough of its original umph to be applied to a reality show -- a pageant, of all things. The CW introduces us
tonight to Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, where eleven pairs of moms and daughters will live together for eight weeks as they
compete for a $100,000 prize. (How long before their cycles synch up and they try to kill each other?) While there, they will undergo
"intense training" and perform in front of judges, after which the worst performing duo will be de-sashed.
On most reality shows, you wouldn't expect the drama to begin right away. I mean, you really need to know someone rather well in
order to start hating them. But we do have our eye on a few... shall we say, "special" mother/daughter teams that will likely attract ire
and cause consternation. Chief among them are Patty and Laura from Florida, who right away declare that they are the team to beat,
despite having absolutely no experience with pageants. They have -- according to them -- the personality, the body, and the look. Plus,
daughter Laura thinks she has something in the talent department, which we'll get to later.
Providing the counterpoint to this pair is Gina and Hollis, some Texas girls who have plenty of experience with the perception of
pageants, even if they've never been in one. Their goal is to show girls across the country that beauty comes in many forms -- and yes,
you'd expect this to come from females who aren't waiflike ninety-pounders, which neither Gina nor Hollis are. But they're still a pair
of cuties, and mother Gina harmonizes well with daughter Hollis's singing.
Brenda and Heather are a pair of platinum blondes from West Virginia who declare their minds are their secret weapons. (It writes
itself, folks: Blonde. West Virginia. Brains. Come up with your own jokes, I've got a column to write.) They're counting on the first
impression they make on the others to be considered dumb. "The blonde hair fools a lot of people," says daughter Heather -- a law
school student!
Before we meet the rest of our contestants one-on-one, we're whisked to the front of the mansion -- it could be the Beauty and the Geek
mansion; they're all starting to look alike -- where our host, Miss New York 1995 and former Miss USA Shanna Moakler welcomes
them to the competition. As she explains it, the purpose of the contest is to celebrate "what it means to be a modern beauty." Which is
code for, "It's not just about looks." Which itself is code for, "Ugly girls need not hope to win." Shanna introduces them all to their
pageant director, Linnea Maloney, who tells them, "If you listen to me, we will get along just fine. If you don't... we may have a
problem." Suddenly, we've gone from a beauty pageant to a women's prison movie? You've got my attention! Let's start the pillow fights!
With the doors opened, the women swarm the house. And it is indeed beautiful inside. "It's like living in a fairy tale castle," say Gina
and Hollis. There are bunk beds (oh joy!) with roses laid out on them (did a certain Bachelor stop by?), and arrangements of cupcakes
on display. It's not long before we learn who the eaters are, and who are the ones who survive on nutrients pulled from the air.
On to more contestants. Melinda and Rachelle are up next, and we learn that Rachelle has been competing in pageants since she was
15, and was a runner-up for Miss Arizona. Not to be outdone, Mome lets us know that she was a runner-up in another pageant... when
she was 6. You know, if you have to go back that far to find an accomplishment...
Jill and Nicole are up next, but all we learn from them is that daughter Nicole was awarded the title of Miss Delaware -- on her very
first try in a pageant! Shortly after this, we learn that Melinda just got a kidney transplant two years ago. Oh great, now I feel like a
jerk for my earlier comments. Well, not really. After all, if CW can throw a violin track to it, it's worthy mocking.
Pamela and Felicia have never been on an airplane before, let alone a pageant -- and it's a tad bit obvious. They're the first to hit the
cupcakes, and the editors like to show them when they've got something being shoved in their face. The two "intelligent blondes" see
them as no competition at all, instantly setting the stage for the audience to begin rooting for the underdogs. Meanwhile, whoever did
Katey Sagal's hair on Married with Children is still employed at a salon somewhere, and Pamela's paying the guy money to stick with
the same style. Yikes!
Jenileigh is the current Miss Wyoming, and her mother Moya is her seamstress. When Jenileigh was three, her family lost her father
and the house. "This competition... is a life changing event for us," says Moya. Hmm... a family-slash-financial hardship that's twenty
years past vs. a two-year-old kidney transplant? I dunno, I've gotta go with the organ recipient on this one.
From New Mexico come Andrea and Amanda, and their strategy is that they'll not reveal to anyone what the talent portion of their
competition will be. Mama Andrea says she will fight hard knowing that this money is for her daughter. One assumes that if the
$100,000 was just going to be hers, she'd slack off and let someone else win.
Next up is Ada and Christan. Christan's a girl who does what she wants. At 14, Ada had to send her to Girls Town, and Christan got mad
about it. Ooh! Apparently they've been working it out ever since.
Patty -- remember her? Laura's mom? -- has brough her own food: frozen hamburgers. Gina, who's the "Martha Stewart" of the bunch,
according to Hamburger Patty, is cooking for the rest of the house. As the food is set out, Laura is certain that Gina and Hollis are her
"non-competition" -- and when mom interrupts her during the interview segment, Laura gives her an eye-roll that apparently never got
slapped off of her at an early enough age.
Elimination Competition: First Impressions
Linnea informs the group about the first contest: the women have to think of a team name, then create a themed outfit and a creative
way of introducing themselves to the judges. She emphasises that the roles of mother and daughter are to be retained while still
expressing themselves as a team.
So it's off to the brainstorming sessions. Brenda and Heather are looking for something "southern-y." Brenda suggests "Country
Bumpkins," and Heather tells her, "Okay, you're fired." They quickly settle, however, on the name "Blonde Bombshells." And they're
the intelligent pair, remember? Apparently intelligence doesn't always gift one with creativity.
Amanda and Andrea toss out names and consider "The Lean Queens." When Amanda suggests that all the girls there could be
considered lean queens, Andrea casts a glance askance over at Jenileigh and Hollis and says, "Oh, honey, not all." "You'll never win
Miss Congeniality that way," Amanda says to her mom, chidingly. Aren't they just the sweetest things? They ultimately decide on
"The Reigning A's" -- because both their first names start with the letter "A." I can think of another word that starts with "A," and I
bet you can too, if you just think about it for a little bit.
Annette and Alana are a couple we haven't seen much of yet. Annette suggests they try out "Sophisticated Ladies." Which would have
been a good name, except her California daughter can't spell a word that big. Mom has her doctorate, and apparently used up all the
education funding for the family. But I have to wonder how smart mom really is when she goes along with Alana's final suggestion:
"Silent But Deadly."
Switching scenes, it's a mad-dash to the wardrobe warehouse, where Pam and Felicia -- the "Tomboy Queens" -- are looking for sexy
army fatigues. Moya declares that her team is the "Daredevil Divas," but Jenileigh isn't finding anything that fits the thieme.
Fortunately for the "Daredevil Divas," Hollis and Gina had extra time to help them find outfits. Unfortunately, the resulting costumes
make them look like goldfish in reflective costumes that look like they were scraped off a disco ball somewhere. Jenileigh feels like a
stuffed fish, and lets the viewers know that she's insecure about her body, having gone back and forth with weight issues.
Hollis and Gina wrote their own song, which they'll use to introduce themselves to the judges. As they practice, the "Reigning A's" are
busy racing each other, excercising on the track and focusing on their physical appearance. As usual, they're keeping themselves
segregated from the rest of the contestants.
Christan and her mom are also working on prepared intros, but they keep forgetting their lines. Well, mom does, at least. That can't be
a good thing. And mom actually looks like she's scared of her daughter at times. This woman needs twenty cc's of self-esteem, stat!.
Shriek & Violate. Laura (left) practices her vocal exercises
early in the morning, with mother Patty by her side.
(Is that gum in her mouth?)
The following morning, Laura shows off her siren-like qualities. No, I mean siren as in ambulance. She's warming up with her mom,
Hamburger Patty, and her vocal exercises are deafening whatever dogs are walking near the compound. Birds are exploding as they fly
over. There's a crack in my television screen that wasn't there before. Imagine Olive Oyl doing a falsetto soprano and you're almost
there. Of course, it wakes up everyone in the house, because it's still only seven thirty! Hollis gets out of bed and suggests that there
are people still sleeping. "Well, we're gonna rehearse. Sorry," says Laura matter-of-factly. Ah, I see the Yotch family is in the
competition. Laura and Patty -- both sharing the middle name Bea. I see a confrontation in the near future, and it ain't gonna be pretty.
Here Come De Judges
The girls are all warming up in the hallway as they prepare to take their acts before the judges. In addition to Miss Moakler, the
contestants will also have to impress VH1 and TV Guide Channel personality Cynthia Garrett, and Queer Eye fashion guruu Carson
Kressley. This is going to be fun...
The first team out of the chute is the Redhead Bombshells -- only a slightly more silly name than the Blonde Bombshells. The team is
Laura and Patty, who introduce each other with a pretty little shared-line poem with verses like "Laura likes to eat," and "Mama loves
her hamburger meat." Laura then gives a quick, ear-piercing demonstration of her screeching ability, which is actually worse than her
warmups if that's possible. She's almost in the range that only dogs can hear, which would be nice because then we couldn't hear it.
Laura is definitely overly confident, and even defensive when the judges begin questioning their intro, prompting Carson to ask Laura
if she drinks a lot of caffeine.
Up next is the Blonde Bombshells -- with a team name that now seems so much more appropriate after following that first act. But they
endure a bad entry, with belle dresses and floppy hats covering their faces. Heather and her mom explain that a blonde bombshell is
"intelligent and smart," ironically proving the concept of the blonde bombshell. The judges don't buy it, and Cynthia tells them it's
definitely not the best choice for a team name.
The Dream Girls are quickly becoming my personal picks of the group. Gina and Hollis enter singing -- no, really singing. They're
having fun, they're harmonizing. Carson lets out an exuberant, "God bless Texas!" The duo explain to the judges that they've never
done this before, and exit on a positive note. No doubt about it -- they're staying in the competition this week.
Okay, did Bjork have a yard sale, or did the Diamond Dolls mug a couple of ostriches to make these dresses? They too have a cutesy
little intro poem, which talks about their obsession with shopping malls. Carson explains that the name of the team sounds "kinda
superficial," and then the pair go into explaining about mom's kidney transplant and how the money will go to help pay medical bills.
This is the stuff the judges really wanted to see, but when the girls go backstage, mom starts to break down into tears, worried that
she's tanked the deal for her daughter since Carson thought they were "superficial" (which he didn't).
Speaking of superficial, though, here comes team Skin Deep. They intro with a light rap song before Shanna gets to tell them that
"skin deep" implies shallow, while the mother and daughter probably meant the exact opposite. But no... Mom says she thinks of the
name as meaning "deeply rooted; to be skin deep, it does deal with depth." Yes, but just not very much of it. Shanna and Cynthia can
barely contain their giggles at the explanation, and agree after the exit that the pair just got the meaning wrong.
The Tomboy Queens enter with all the grace of... well, there's no grace to that entry at all, so why belabor it with an overly cute
metaphor? Carson is taken with the military uniform look, and he also likes the "queen" bit of their names. Cynthia thinks the look
is original, but tells Felicia that she needs to work on her hair. (See, I'm not the only one who thought that!)
The Sassy Sisters, Jill and Nicole, think they can definitely beat Felicia and Pamela, which only serves to make this viewer root for the
Tomboy Queens even more. They also have another poem for an intro -- apparently this was the "original" idea that all the teams had.
However, the name and the intro leave the judges cold -- the women didn't retain their individual roles, and Linnea had instructed
them. "You're not sisters, nor should you be," Cynthia warns them.
Now we're up to the Reigning A's. Amanda and Andrea will now reveal the talent bit that they were keeping under wraps. They enter in
some sort of "Egyptian Gown meets Bay Window Curtains" outfit, and we learn taht their special secret talent is... talking. And more
talking. With talking on top of that, as they explain in excruciating detail what the definition of "reign" is. They interrupt Carson
("But wait, there's more!" he says) when he starts to question them. Shanna finally tells them that they're "saying a lot" but that she's
not really getting what they're saying. Carson declares that he needs an interpreter, and Cynthia has to ask again where they're from,
because she already forgot. "They were so boring," says Carson -- but, oops!, they weren't quite off the stage before he let slip that
opinion!
In their tacky mirrored dresses, the Daredevil Divas take the stage. Apparently they're both into bodybuilding, and they've got the
biceps to prove it. It turns out that Jenileigh is an aerialist, which explains her fit physique. "Your outfits make my eyes bleed," says
Carson -- but the fact that they're so comfortable in them wins them beaucoup points in his eyes, so it's a good first impression overall.
Now the judges get a whiff of team Silent But Deadly, and it goes just the way you thought it would. Daughter Alana is incredibly
poised for an 18 year old, and that wins the judges favor. But when Carson asks them to explain the name, Alana says it's because they
have no experience, thus they're forced to be silent, learn, and execute when ready. Carson then explains to them what everyone else
thinks of when they hear the phrase, and mom is later appalled that someone would thnk of that. Ah, the things they don't teach you
when you're getting that higher education...
Christan and Ada are the last pair out, and the name of their team is Hot & Not. Yes, that's the daughter/mother love we expected: a
team name that shows how with-it the daughter is while deprecating mom's role for being out of touch. They deliver their lines, and
Christan has to prompt her mom when she forgets them. Ada starts apologizing on stage, and Christan forces a "Mom, stop," through
her frozen smile. Shanna wants to see the confidence in Ada go up if they continue in this competition, and Cynthia has issues with
Christan telling her mom that she's not hot. This gets Christan to turn on the waterworks, because she really loves her mom. Yeah, we
can see that.
De-Sashed
The teams are all brought back out before the judges for the De-Sashing Ceremony. Laura is confident that they will not be eliminated
-- and she's probably right. The producers are smart enough to keep the irritants on a reality show for at least a couple of weeks to draw
the viewers back.
The jewel-encrusted shears are brought out, and the judges begin addressing the teams.
Shanna tells the Diamond Dolls that she wants to see what's inside them. "Like your new kidney," says Carson. They're safe.
Carson tells Skin Deep that he likes their attitude, and they are also safe.
Cynthia informs Hot & Not that it should have been Hot & Hot, and that there's promise for both of them if they take this journey
together. They'll be back next week.
The Sassy Sisters need to be individuals according to Shanna. They'll get another week to prove that they can be.
Cynthia didn't love the name of the Redhead Bombshells, and tells Laura that she needs to "lay off the defensiveness." However,
they're safe this week, as Cynthia thinks they have "somewhere to get."
Carson's was impressed enough with the comfort and confidence of the Daredevil Divas in their hideous outfits that he's keeping them
another week.
Cynthia tells the Tomboy Queens that they are diamonds in the rough and have much potential. She also then addresses Silent But
Deadly and says she liked their communication despite their poorly chosen team name.
And then there were three. Shanna Moakler calls the Blonde Bombshells, Dream Gals, and Reigning A's down from the stage. Each of
these three had standout performances, she says, but for different reasons. One of them had the highest overall score, while the others
finished in the bottom two.
No surprise, it's the Dream Gals who knocked out the judges. Shanna says they were "blown away" by their introduction. The Dream
Gals are definitely the dream team in this contest.
To the Blonde Bombshells: Shanna says the judges didn't get to see them as individuals, to which Carson says they "didn't get to see
them because they were wearing those 'horrendo' hats." He also adds that they looked like Amish hookers! Cynthia says that they put
themselves in a box of "blonde bombshell" and nothing more with their name selection.
To the Reigning A's: They talked too much. "You guys were talking, and I'm not really sure what you were talking about," says
Shanna. Carson doesn't feel like they made an impression.
Shanna asks the Blonde Bombshells to take up the shears... and then are told to desash the Reigning A's. There's a collective gasp of
shock from everyone at the "twist." Andrea and Amanda theorize that maybe they didn't put themselves out there enough. The more
likely theory is that they put themselves out there a little too much. Regardless, the reign of the Reigning A's is a short one.
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By HANNAH WIEST
Star-Tribune staff writer
My family's Christmas tree is anything but trendy.
Oh, it may have been once -- in 1986, when popcorn strings were all the rage and tinsel hadn't yet been replaced by those "real" looking plastic
icicles. We even named our cat after the strips of foil that my mother and brother heaped onto each branch, much to the chagrin of my one-strand-
at-a-time father.
Funny thing is, I didn't realize our tree was such a fashion faux pas until this year when I decided to write about Christmas decorations for a Home
and Garden feature.
To begin my research, I Googled "popcorn strings." I got 1,320,000 hits, many telling me my family's most prized decoration was "quaint," "old-
fashioned" and a "blast from the past." It was a rough blow. I briefly considered Googling "tinsel" but decided I didn't have the heart to watch the
death of my second most beloved holiday decoration.
Instead, I went to Casper's Christmas Cottage. Owner Sheila Cooper goes to market every January. There the powers-that-be unveil the trendy
colors and designs for the upcoming Christmas. This year, for any of you who want to keep up with the Joneses (or who simply fear being as out
of it as the Wiest clan), the hip colors are black, silver and white -- with accents of red. Strings of black gem-looking beads have replaced the
popcorn of yore. Silver balls throw elegance around like a well-to-do lady dressed in her best evening gown.
My Google search on popcorn strings also hinted they were used by the not-so-well-to-do. But, as a blissfully ignorant child, I had no idea we
were poor. Then again, there was that one year I asked Santa for only two things: underpants and one jingle bell. He granted my wishes. I was
happy.
So, black, silver and white -- with accents of red. Not your style? That's OK, Cooper says. Luckily in Wyoming, moose and western themes never
go out of style. Go ahead and load up on boot, hat, spur, horse and outhouse ornaments. Modern technology has even propagated specialty lights
used to highlight the theme of a tree. They range from hot peppers to snowflakes, pine cones and bubble lights that won't set the tree on fire like
they did in the '40s. Oh, and these red camping lanterns that look like they came straight out of an L.L. Bean catalog.
I began to feel a little more at ease about our "blast from the past" tree when I discovered outhouses were cool. It gave me enough nerve to call on
one of the Wyoming Symphony's Holiday Home Tour houses, which had each been gussied up by local merchants in the holiday's latest.
Mike and Glenda Thomas have a rustic house, and for the home tour the merchants capitalized on this country feel, Glenda says. (The color
scheme and feel of a house are good inspiration for decorations, Cooper says, so if you're looking for a new look, look at your surroundings.)
Antique furniture, old-timey place mats and an earth-toned nativity set gave the Thomas house a warm, Christmas at the cabin feel -- except in the
basement. There, Glenda and her 4-year-old daughter Kassidy set up the rubber ducky tree. Yes, it is covered with yellow ducks and blue
Christmas balls that look like bubbles. Kassidy's Grandpa bought it for her a few years ago at the Festival of Trees.
The Thomases have four kids all under the age of 4, so the rubber duck tree is perfect.
"We just have to be careful to decorate from the waste up," Glenda says. "It's a special tree. And what's really special about it this year is that our
family is joining us. I was thinking as I was decorating it how fun this Christmas is going to be."
Right on, Glenda. When it comes right down to it, decorating for Christmas is fun.
That's why Cooper calls her store a happy store.
"No humbugs come in, that's for sure," she says.
If happy and fun for you is keeping up with the latest trends, go for it. If it's a soccer tree that pays homage to David Beckham, go for it. It it's
outhouses ... you get the idea.
As for me, I'm going to drive home this weekend and revel in some family time.
We will put the Mannheim Steamroller tape into the tape player and laugh at how the squeaks from overuse are louder than the music.
We will string on our "retro" oversized rainbow lights.
We will hang the "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments and a select few silver balls. But mostly we'll hang the homemade Popsicle stick, yarn, clay
and 20-year-old gingerbread ornaments that will never, ever be thrown away. And we'll still like them because they bring back great memories. We
especially like the paper mache "Joy" ornament. It's the size of a football and threatens to topple the tree every year. Then there's the accidental
Playboy bunny my brother crafted with clay when he was 4. He even painted it black with a white tail.
With plenty of pomp to honor its age and frailty, we'll detangle the popcorn strands my mother strung when I was 3. We'll laugh about all the
pieces that became snacks for our dog and cat. And we'll give thanks for all our Christmases, rich and poor, hip and not-so-hip, because we always
had fun.
Life without an iPhone
By JAMES WARDEN, News-Record Writer
Published: Sunday, November 25, 2007 12:00 AM MST
“Touching is believing.”
Thus sayeth Apple about its iPhone.
Unfortunately, local residents won’t know for some time whether the company’s newest offering deserves their faith because they can’t
touch it here in Gillette.
The iPhone is hardly alone in its absence from the area. Wyoming is large and sparsely populated, and that can delay the arrival of the
latest goods and services.
The holiday shopping season that started Friday tests the tech-savvy on a particularly biblical scale, as omnipresent catalogs and out-of-
state commercials tease geeks with the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
But while those sexy Apple ads can make it hard to believe in life without an iPhone, the Christmas shopping season need not spark a
crisis of faith: Some of the latest goods are already here, others are just around the corner and many have viable alternatives.
MORE MAJOR WIRELESS PROVIDERS
- What it is: An expansion from the duopoly that Verizon and Alltel now effectively have in Campbell County.
- Why you want it: One word: iPhone. Until manufacturers start making phones that can jump between wireless providers, local
residents will be stuck staring wistfully at ads for sleek phones not available in Campbell County. Even if all phones were made to work
seamlessly between rival providers, manufacturers could still choose to limit the hottest phones to a single provider — as Apple and
AT&T did with the iPhone. Quite simply, the more providers offering local service, the more access Gillette residents have to the best-
selling phones.
- Cost: Comparable to the cell phone service you’re paying for now — just with a different logo on the back of that shiny touch-screen
you’ve been eyeing.
- Who’s got it now: Areas with a lot of people in a limited space tend to have the most wireless carriers.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Not enough people, said Roger Entner, a telecom expert and senior vice president of communications at
New York-based IAG Research. Carriers are barred from selling service in an area where they don’t have towers, but towers are
expensive. To make a profit, companies need about 1,000 subscribers for every wireless tower they put up. Most cities need a few towers.
So even when existing companies have just 60 percent market penetration, it can be a risky proposition for a new company to move in
on their turf. The arithmetic is so straightforward that Entner accurately guessed the number of major carriers as soon as he learned
Gillette’s population.
- Prospects: The signal’s pretty clear that Gillette will be stuck with two major carriers for the foreseeable future.
- Alternatives: Options are limited for carriers, but manufacturers have announced a plethora of touch-screen, multimedia phones
similar to the iPhone for virtually all carriers. Verizon’s Voyager, which has already debuted, bears a particular resemblance to the
iPhone and has been getting good reviews.
FIBER TO THE PREMISES (FTTP)
- What it is: Fiber-optic connections right into the home. While the telecommunications system is largely fiber optic now, most homes
have slower copper wires running the last few blocks to the home.
- Why you want it: Better TV picture quality, clearer phone services and faster Internet. FiOS, Verizon’s FTTP service, now offers
speeds up to 10 times that of a typical cable modem connection, and the company has tested speeds twice that rate, said Sharon Cohen-
Hagar, a spokeswoman for the company.
- Cost: Verizon has plans that include TV, phone and Internet for about $100 a month. Internet-only plans range from $40 to $180 a
month, depending on the speed.
- Who’s got it now: Verizon, the largest FTTP provider, offers its FiOS service in parts of the northeast, Texas, Florida and California.
As of September, more than 2 million homes in North America have direct fiber connections, according to the Fiber to the Home
Council, an organization that promotes the technology. The overwhelming majority of those homes are in the United States.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Prohibitive start-up costs. Access to FTTP requires laying new fiber-optic wires, said Stephen Hardy,
editorial director of Lightwave, a magazine for the fiber-optic industry. That is much more costly than hooking up cable or reworking a
copper-wire network to allow speedier DSL service. Fiber-optic cable often simply isn’t laid unless a project already requires digging up
streets or stringing wire. Consequently, the service is still very much a niche product; just 2 percent of U.S. households have direct
fiber connections.
- Prospects: “Unlikely at any time in the foreseeable future,” Cohen-Hagar said. Verizon has no plans to expand FiOS beyond the
company’s old network — which doesn’t run into Wyoming. There are some signs of hope. Fiber optic networks are cheaper to
maintain than traditional copper-wire networks, Hardy said. Verizon’s market muscle could also whittle down vendors’ costs and make
the technology more attractive to smaller companies. Yet he estimates that it will be about a decade before companies switch over to
fiber entirely.
- Alternatives: Cable Internet and DSL. While these high-speed connections are already starting to seem commonplace, nearly half of
American households have no Internet or just a dial-up connection.
APPLE RETAIL STORES
- What it is: A traditional brick-and-mortar store stocked with Apple products and run by the company itself.
- Why you want it: Forget waiting precious days for that crucial iPod accessory to arrive by mail. Just drop into the store, pick up the
item and get back to enjoying tunes the way you like ‘em. Add in personal shopping assistance, seminars and a one-on-one training,
and you have the techie equivalent of a Sunset Boulevard fashion boutique.
- Cost: Depends on what you’re looking for. Many accessories cost about $30, while the latest Mac or MacBook Pro can run well into
the thousands.
- Who’s got it now: Apple has more than 200 stores worldwide, but Gillette residents must drive 335 miles to Boulder, Colo., or
Broomfield, Colo., to shop at one. The company doesn’t have a single store in Wyoming, and it has just six in Colorado and Utah,
Wyoming’s only neighbors with an Apple retailer.
- What’s holding Gillette back: An Apple spokeswoman said the company generally doesn’t talk about the types of markets in which it
likes to establish retail stores. But the list of the current stores shows that Apple stores center on densely populated metropolitan areas.
Colorado, a state with 4.8 million people, has just five stores. Utah has only one store for its 2.6 million people. Wyoming, a state with a
mere 500,000 people, is hardly the only state without a store. When the tech hubs of California, Oregon and Washington are
discounted, almost half the states west of the Mississippi lack an Apple retail store.
- Prospects: Chances are slimmer than the newest iPod Nano.
- Alternatives: Those intent on Apple-branded products can log on to the online store at http://store.apple.com. But Apple products have
become so pervasive that traditional retailers offer most types of third-party accessories.
CITYWIDE WIRELESS INTERNET
- What it is: Internet service that can be picked up anywhere in town.
- Why you want it: To access the Internet wherever you go. Sure, coffee shops and other businesses provide similar service. But you don’
t have to scrape together enough change for a cup of coffee or — let’s be honest — stand outside the business like a panhandler while
you check your e-mail for free.
- Cost: Generally free or low-cost.
- Who’s got it now: A diverse group of cities. Smaller communities have used taxpayer money to set up free, public Wi-Fi networks in
areas not served by private Internet service providers. Metropolitan areas, on the other hand, have tended to work with privately funded
companies to provide for-pay service, although this is often subsidized to reduce costs for low-income residents.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Priorities. The city has been working for the past two years to build a wireless network, said city
Administrative Services Director Pam Boger, who heads the committee that is exploring the issue. Yet the goal of this network is to
allow city employees to provide more efficient service, not to offer free Internet access to residents. Police officers, for example, could
receive details about a suspect in their patrol cars or city utilities could access information on a resident’s water use without needing to
send a meter reader by the home. The committee plans to present further details about the project to the City Council in January.
- Prospects: “At this point, we’re not looking at something accessible for the public,” Boger said. “Maybe some day, but that is not our
top priority.”
- Alternatives: Coffee shops have been the traditional domain of wireless Internet, but even some fast food restaurants such as
McDonald’s have it now.
LOCAL TV STATIONS
- What it is: Local TV
- Why you want it: To make sure you’re able to find out the results of that Camel game or City Council debate when you flip on the 5 o’
clock news.
- Cost: Free to the consumer.
- Who’s got it now: Cities of all sizes across the country have local TV stations, but the Wyoming Broadcasters Association lists just
three cities with major, for-profit TV stations: Jackson, Cheyenne and Casper, which has two stations.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Money, said Bill Sullivan, a TV representative for the Broadcasters Association and general manager of
KCWY-TV in the Casper area. Starting up a station is expensive, and advertising revenues are hard to come by. Sullivan has a $500,000
budget for his news operation alone. Regulations make it hard even to air Wyoming channels broadcast from outside Gillette because
the city is in Denver’s “designated market area.” Thus, KCWY, an NBC affiliate, can’t bring service to Gillette without slashing all the
programming it has in common with the Colorado NBC station that already has a channel here. “Of course, no one wants to run a
quarter of a network.”
- Prospects: Not a pretty picture. “Wyoming isn’t an area that’s known for making money in the broadcast business,” Sullivan said.
- Alternatives: Gillette Public Access TV offers coverage of some local sporting events, including high school football and dirt track
racing. Beyond that, out-of-state TV stations are the rule.
WIRELESS BROADBAND
- What it is: A way for mobile phones to access the Internet at speeds comparable to speedy in-home cable Internet.
- Why you want it: The iPhone has given mobile phone users a vision of surfing the Web with a fully functioning browser. But if you
don’t have high-speed access, forget about it. You wouldn’t watch your favorite YouTube videos with dial-up, would you? Wireless
companies also offer specialized content — such as TV shows, music downloads and GPS directions — through their own broadband-
based services, as with Verizon’s V-Cast and Alltel’s Axcess.
- Cost: Providers generally require customers to subscribe to one of the company’s premium plans, which usually start at $20 to $30
more than a traditional plan. Packages with access just to the specialized content can usually be added onto a plan for between $15 and
$20.
- Who’s got it now: Coverage is comparable to mobile phone coverage a few years ago: It’s not everywhere, but it’s fast becoming
ubiquitous. Densely populated areas and major thoroughfares are most likely to have coverage.
- What’s holding Gillette back: Nada. Gillette fits squarely into the evolutionary roll-out of these products.
- Prospects: Just got up and running. In October, Verizon and Alltel both launched their EV-DO service — the version of wireless
broadband used by those companies, among others. While wireless customers may have started to see bars popping up on their phone’s
“EV” meter several months ago, the service was just in its testing phase then. Now, though, the system is ready for anyone who wants to
jump on board. The downside? A company’s wireless broadband service works only with that company’s phones. If you don’t have
Verizon or Alltel, you’re out of luck in Gillette.
- Alternatives: None needed.
A Dose of Reality: Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants - December 12: Lesson One - Shut Up, Look Pretty
by R.J. Carter
Published: December 12, 2007
I have to wonder sometimes if the Hussein estate is collecting royalty off every "Mother of all..." things that get to bandy about the
title. Now it's finally lost enough of its original umph to be applied to a reality show -- a pageant, of all things. The CW introduces us
tonight to Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, where eleven pairs of moms and daughters will live together for eight weeks as they
compete for a $100,000 prize. (How long before their cycles synch up and they try to kill each other?) While there, they will undergo
"intense training" and perform in front of judges, after which the worst performing duo will be de-sashed.
On most reality shows, you wouldn't expect the drama to begin right away. I mean, you really need to know someone rather well in
order to start hating them. But we do have our eye on a few... shall we say, "special" mother/daughter teams that will likely attract ire
and cause consternation. Chief among them are Patty and Laura from Florida, who right away declare that they are the team to beat,
despite having absolutely no experience with pageants. They have -- according to them -- the personality, the body, and the look. Plus,
daughter Laura thinks she has something in the talent department, which we'll get to later.
Providing the counterpoint to this pair is Gina and Hollis, some Texas girls who have plenty of experience with the perception of
pageants, even if they've never been in one. Their goal is to show girls across the country that beauty comes in many forms -- and yes,
you'd expect this to come from females who aren't waiflike ninety-pounders, which neither Gina nor Hollis are. But they're still a pair
of cuties, and mother Gina harmonizes well with daughter Hollis's singing.
Brenda and Heather are a pair of platinum blondes from West Virginia who declare their minds are their secret weapons. (It writes
itself, folks: Blonde. West Virginia. Brains. Come up with your own jokes, I've got a column to write.) They're counting on the first
impression they make on the others to be considered dumb. "The blonde hair fools a lot of people," says daughter Heather -- a law
school student!
Before we meet the rest of our contestants one-on-one, we're whisked to the front of the mansion -- it could be the Beauty and the Geek
mansion; they're all starting to look alike -- where our host, Miss New York 1995 and former Miss USA Shanna Moakler welcomes
them to the competition. As she explains it, the purpose of the contest is to celebrate "what it means to be a modern beauty." Which is
code for, "It's not just about looks." Which itself is code for, "Ugly girls need not hope to win." Shanna introduces them all to their
pageant director, Linnea Maloney, who tells them, "If you listen to me, we will get along just fine. If you don't... we may have a
problem." Suddenly, we've gone from a beauty pageant to a women's prison movie? You've got my attention! Let's start the pillow fights!
With the doors opened, the women swarm the house. And it is indeed beautiful inside. "It's like living in a fairy tale castle," say Gina
and Hollis. There are bunk beds (oh joy!) with roses laid out on them (did a certain Bachelor stop by?), and arrangements of cupcakes
on display. It's not long before we learn who the eaters are, and who are the ones who survive on nutrients pulled from the air.
On to more contestants. Melinda and Rachelle are up next, and we learn that Rachelle has been competing in pageants since she was
15, and was a runner-up for Miss Arizona. Not to be outdone, Mome lets us know that she was a runner-up in another pageant... when
she was 6. You know, if you have to go back that far to find an accomplishment...
Jill and Nicole are up next, but all we learn from them is that daughter Nicole was awarded the title of Miss Delaware -- on her very
first try in a pageant! Shortly after this, we learn that Melinda just got a kidney transplant two years ago. Oh great, now I feel like a
jerk for my earlier comments. Well, not really. After all, if CW can throw a violin track to it, it's worthy mocking.
Pamela and Felicia have never been on an airplane before, let alone a pageant -- and it's a tad bit obvious. They're the first to hit the
cupcakes, and the editors like to show them when they've got something being shoved in their face. The two "intelligent blondes" see
them as no competition at all, instantly setting the stage for the audience to begin rooting for the underdogs. Meanwhile, whoever did
Katey Sagal's hair on Married with Children is still employed at a salon somewhere, and Pamela's paying the guy money to stick with
the same style. Yikes!
Jenileigh is the current Miss Wyoming, and her mother Moya is her seamstress. When Jenileigh was three, her family lost her father
and the house. "This competition... is a life changing event for us," says Moya. Hmm... a family-slash-financial hardship that's twenty
years past vs. a two-year-old kidney transplant? I dunno, I've gotta go with the organ recipient on this one.
From New Mexico come Andrea and Amanda, and their strategy is that they'll not reveal to anyone what the talent portion of their
competition will be. Mama Andrea says she will fight hard knowing that this money is for her daughter. One assumes that if the
$100,000 was just going to be hers, she'd slack off and let someone else win.
Next up is Ada and Christan. Christan's a girl who does what she wants. At 14, Ada had to send her to Girls Town, and Christan got mad
about it. Ooh! Apparently they've been working it out ever since.
Patty -- remember her? Laura's mom? -- has brough her own food: frozen hamburgers. Gina, who's the "Martha Stewart" of the bunch,
according to Hamburger Patty, is cooking for the rest of the house. As the food is set out, Laura is certain that Gina and Hollis are her
"non-competition" -- and when mom interrupts her during the interview segment, Laura gives her an eye-roll that apparently never got
slapped off of her at an early enough age.
Elimination Competition: First Impressions
Linnea informs the group about the first contest: the women have to think of a team name, then create a themed outfit and a creative
way of introducing themselves to the judges. She emphasises that the roles of mother and daughter are to be retained while still
expressing themselves as a team.
So it's off to the brainstorming sessions. Brenda and Heather are looking for something "southern-y." Brenda suggests "Country
Bumpkins," and Heather tells her, "Okay, you're fired." They quickly settle, however, on the name "Blonde Bombshells." And they're
the intelligent pair, remember? Apparently intelligence doesn't always gift one with creativity.
Amanda and Andrea toss out names and consider "The Lean Queens." When Amanda suggests that all the girls there could be
considered lean queens, Andrea casts a glance askance over at Jenileigh and Hollis and says, "Oh, honey, not all." "You'll never win
Miss Congeniality that way," Amanda says to her mom, chidingly. Aren't they just the sweetest things? They ultimately decide on
"The Reigning A's" -- because both their first names start with the letter "A." I can think of another word that starts with "A," and I
bet you can too, if you just think about it for a little bit.
Annette and Alana are a couple we haven't seen much of yet. Annette suggests they try out "Sophisticated Ladies." Which would have
been a good name, except her California daughter can't spell a word that big. Mom has her doctorate, and apparently used up all the
education funding for the family. But I have to wonder how smart mom really is when she goes along with Alana's final suggestion:
"Silent But Deadly."
Switching scenes, it's a mad-dash to the wardrobe warehouse, where Pam and Felicia -- the "Tomboy Queens" -- are looking for sexy
army fatigues. Moya declares that her team is the "Daredevil Divas," but Jenileigh isn't finding anything that fits the thieme.
Fortunately for the "Daredevil Divas," Hollis and Gina had extra time to help them find outfits. Unfortunately, the resulting costumes
make them look like goldfish in reflective costumes that look like they were scraped off a disco ball somewhere. Jenileigh feels like a
stuffed fish, and lets the viewers know that she's insecure about her body, having gone back and forth with weight issues.
Hollis and Gina wrote their own song, which they'll use to introduce themselves to the judges. As they practice, the "Reigning A's" are
busy racing each other, excercising on the track and focusing on their physical appearance. As usual, they're keeping themselves
segregated from the rest of the contestants.
Christan and her mom are also working on prepared intros, but they keep forgetting their lines. Well, mom does, at least. That can't be
a good thing. And mom actually looks like she's scared of her daughter at times. This woman needs twenty cc's of self-esteem, stat!.
Shriek & Violate. Laura (left) practices her vocal exercises
early in the morning, with mother Patty by her side.
(Is that gum in her mouth?)
The following morning, Laura shows off her siren-like qualities. No, I mean siren as in ambulance. She's warming up with her mom,
Hamburger Patty, and her vocal exercises are deafening whatever dogs are walking near the compound. Birds are exploding as they fly
over. There's a crack in my television screen that wasn't there before. Imagine Olive Oyl doing a falsetto soprano and you're almost
there. Of course, it wakes up everyone in the house, because it's still only seven thirty! Hollis gets out of bed and suggests that there
are people still sleeping. "Well, we're gonna rehearse. Sorry," says Laura matter-of-factly. Ah, I see the Yotch family is in the
competition. Laura and Patty -- both sharing the middle name Bea. I see a confrontation in the near future, and it ain't gonna be pretty.
Here Come De Judges
The girls are all warming up in the hallway as they prepare to take their acts before the judges. In addition to Miss Moakler, the
contestants will also have to impress VH1 and TV Guide Channel personality Cynthia Garrett, and Queer Eye fashion guruu Carson
Kressley. This is going to be fun...
The first team out of the chute is the Redhead Bombshells -- only a slightly more silly name than the Blonde Bombshells. The team is
Laura and Patty, who introduce each other with a pretty little shared-line poem with verses like "Laura likes to eat," and "Mama loves
her hamburger meat." Laura then gives a quick, ear-piercing demonstration of her screeching ability, which is actually worse than her
warmups if that's possible. She's almost in the range that only dogs can hear, which would be nice because then we couldn't hear it.
Laura is definitely overly confident, and even defensive when the judges begin questioning their intro, prompting Carson to ask Laura
if she drinks a lot of caffeine.
Up next is the Blonde Bombshells -- with a team name that now seems so much more appropriate after following that first act. But they
endure a bad entry, with belle dresses and floppy hats covering their faces. Heather and her mom explain that a blonde bombshell is
"intelligent and smart," ironically proving the concept of the blonde bombshell. The judges don't buy it, and Cynthia tells them it's
definitely not the best choice for a team name.
The Dream Girls are quickly becoming my personal picks of the group. Gina and Hollis enter singing -- no, really singing. They're
having fun, they're harmonizing. Carson lets out an exuberant, "God bless Texas!" The duo explain to the judges that they've never
done this before, and exit on a positive note. No doubt about it -- they're staying in the competition this week.
Okay, did Bjork have a yard sale, or did the Diamond Dolls mug a couple of ostriches to make these dresses? They too have a cutesy
little intro poem, which talks about their obsession with shopping malls. Carson explains that the name of the team sounds "kinda
superficial," and then the pair go into explaining about mom's kidney transplant and how the money will go to help pay medical bills.
This is the stuff the judges really wanted to see, but when the girls go backstage, mom starts to break down into tears, worried that
she's tanked the deal for her daughter since Carson thought they were "superficial" (which he didn't).
Speaking of superficial, though, here comes team Skin Deep. They intro with a light rap song before Shanna gets to tell them that
"skin deep" implies shallow, while the mother and daughter probably meant the exact opposite. But no... Mom says she thinks of the
name as meaning "deeply rooted; to be skin deep, it does deal with depth." Yes, but just not very much of it. Shanna and Cynthia can
barely contain their giggles at the explanation, and agree after the exit that the pair just got the meaning wrong.
The Tomboy Queens enter with all the grace of... well, there's no grace to that entry at all, so why belabor it with an overly cute
metaphor? Carson is taken with the military uniform look, and he also likes the "queen" bit of their names. Cynthia thinks the look
is original, but tells Felicia that she needs to work on her hair. (See, I'm not the only one who thought that!)
The Sassy Sisters, Jill and Nicole, think they can definitely beat Felicia and Pamela, which only serves to make this viewer root for the
Tomboy Queens even more. They also have another poem for an intro -- apparently this was the "original" idea that all the teams had.
However, the name and the intro leave the judges cold -- the women didn't retain their individual roles, and Linnea had instructed
them. "You're not sisters, nor should you be," Cynthia warns them.
Now we're up to the Reigning A's. Amanda and Andrea will now reveal the talent bit that they were keeping under wraps. They enter in
some sort of "Egyptian Gown meets Bay Window Curtains" outfit, and we learn taht their special secret talent is... talking. And more
talking. With talking on top of that, as they explain in excruciating detail what the definition of "reign" is. They interrupt Carson
("But wait, there's more!" he says) when he starts to question them. Shanna finally tells them that they're "saying a lot" but that she's
not really getting what they're saying. Carson declares that he needs an interpreter, and Cynthia has to ask again where they're from,
because she already forgot. "They were so boring," says Carson -- but, oops!, they weren't quite off the stage before he let slip that
opinion!
In their tacky mirrored dresses, the Daredevil Divas take the stage. Apparently they're both into bodybuilding, and they've got the
biceps to prove it. It turns out that Jenileigh is an aerialist, which explains her fit physique. "Your outfits make my eyes bleed," says
Carson -- but the fact that they're so comfortable in them wins them beaucoup points in his eyes, so it's a good first impression overall.
Now the judges get a whiff of team Silent But Deadly, and it goes just the way you thought it would. Daughter Alana is incredibly
poised for an 18 year old, and that wins the judges favor. But when Carson asks them to explain the name, Alana says it's because they
have no experience, thus they're forced to be silent, learn, and execute when ready. Carson then explains to them what everyone else
thinks of when they hear the phrase, and mom is later appalled that someone would thnk of that. Ah, the things they don't teach you
when you're getting that higher education...
Christan and Ada are the last pair out, and the name of their team is Hot & Not. Yes, that's the daughter/mother love we expected: a
team name that shows how with-it the daughter is while deprecating mom's role for being out of touch. They deliver their lines, and
Christan has to prompt her mom when she forgets them. Ada starts apologizing on stage, and Christan forces a "Mom, stop," through
her frozen smile. Shanna wants to see the confidence in Ada go up if they continue in this competition, and Cynthia has issues with
Christan telling her mom that she's not hot. This gets Christan to turn on the waterworks, because she really loves her mom. Yeah, we
can see that.
De-Sashed
The teams are all brought back out before the judges for the De-Sashing Ceremony. Laura is confident that they will not be eliminated
-- and she's probably right. The producers are smart enough to keep the irritants on a reality show for at least a couple of weeks to draw
the viewers back.
The jewel-encrusted shears are brought out, and the judges begin addressing the teams.
Shanna tells the Diamond Dolls that she wants to see what's inside them. "Like your new kidney," says Carson. They're safe.
Carson tells Skin Deep that he likes their attitude, and they are also safe.
Cynthia informs Hot & Not that it should have been Hot & Hot, and that there's promise for both of them if they take this journey
together. They'll be back next week.
The Sassy Sisters need to be individuals according to Shanna. They'll get another week to prove that they can be.
Cynthia didn't love the name of the Redhead Bombshells, and tells Laura that she needs to "lay off the defensiveness." However,
they're safe this week, as Cynthia thinks they have "somewhere to get."
Carson's was impressed enough with the comfort and confidence of the Daredevil Divas in their hideous outfits that he's keeping them
another week.
Cynthia tells the Tomboy Queens that they are diamonds in the rough and have much potential. She also then addresses Silent But
Deadly and says she liked their communication despite their poorly chosen team name.
And then there were three. Shanna Moakler calls the Blonde Bombshells, Dream Gals, and Reigning A's down from the stage. Each of
these three had standout performances, she says, but for different reasons. One of them had the highest overall score, while the others
finished in the bottom two.
No surprise, it's the Dream Gals who knocked out the judges. Shanna says they were "blown away" by their introduction. The Dream
Gals are definitely the dream team in this contest.
To the Blonde Bombshells: Shanna says the judges didn't get to see them as individuals, to which Carson says they "didn't get to see
them because they were wearing those 'horrendo' hats." He also adds that they looked like Amish hookers! Cynthia says that they put
themselves in a box of "blonde bombshell" and nothing more with their name selection.
To the Reigning A's: They talked too much. "You guys were talking, and I'm not really sure what you were talking about," says
Shanna. Carson doesn't feel like they made an impression.
Shanna asks the Blonde Bombshells to take up the shears... and then are told to desash the Reigning A's. There's a collective gasp of
shock from everyone at the "twist." Andrea and Amanda theorize that maybe they didn't put themselves out there enough. The more
likely theory is that they put themselves out there a little too much. Regardless, the reign of the Reigning A's is a short one.
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