| Fashion News West Virginia |
West Virginia family's 'Extreme Makeover' home has Levin furniture
Saturday, December 08, 2007
By Vicki Smith, The Associated Press
Dale Sparks, Associated Press
ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" crew and construction workers exit Fairmont, W.Va., resident Richard Turner's house
Thursday after applying finishing touches.FAIRMONT, W.Va. -- For years, Angie Turner had dreamed of ways to get her children out
of their tiny 600-square-foot home and into something bigger. Now she realizes it was a test of faith.
"I tried every way, but God just said, 'Wait. Wait.' He put us in that house for this long just for today, just for the glory of Him," she
said.
And the wait was worth it.
On Friday, the family of seven moved into a new 2,800-square-foot home built by ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,"
preparing to spend their first night in a place where all five children have beds of their own.
"It's amazing. Unbelievable," said Angie Turner's daughter, Theresa Lodge, 13. "Now, even though we have more room, we're closer
together. We have so much room to be together now."
Son Desmond Evans, 16, had slept on the floor next to bunk beds where his brother and cousin slept. Now, he has his own room.
Huffman Corp. of Bridgeport built the home, which was designed by The Omni Associates Architects Inc. of Fairmont. Three
truckloads of furniture were donated by Levin Furniture of Pittsburgh. As many as 1,000 people volunteered on the weeklong project.
The Turners were picked for the Emmy-winning show for their devotion to community, their ability to overcome obstacles and their
love for one another.
Richard and Angie married in 2003, bringing her children -- Theresa, Desmond and 12-year-old Tyron Lodge -- together with Richard
Turner's 13-year-old daughter Layton, and, about a year ago, his 14-year-old cousin Michael Jones.
The Turners, who work with mentally challenged adults, also help keep teenagers out of trouble by mentoring and by coaching local
football, basketball and cheerleading teams.
"We'll continue to serve. We were put here to serve," Angie Turner said as her exhausted husband nodded quietly behind her. "We all
have a purpose in life, and it's just fortunate that we found our purpose.
"If he asks us to do bigger things, we'll do bigger things," she said. "Wherever he places us at, we're going."
The Turners can't reveal details about the inside of their home until the Fairmont episode airs next spring, but the daughters
described their bedroom as "glamorous" and involving a fashion theme.
Gifts from a generous community continued to roll in Friday, nearly 24 hours after the house was revealed before a screaming crowd of
hundreds.
City officials presented an award from Gov. Joe Manchin naming the Turner family Distinguished Mountaineers, then announced
that private donors had paid off the mortgage on the family's old home.
Fairmont State University, where Angie Turner is trying to earn a master's degree in special education, waived her tuition for two
semesters and offered free books for the rest of her academic career, as well as free fitness center memberships and tickets to any
athletic event for the whole family.
A culinary arts instructor presented Layton Turner, an aspiring cook, with private lessons in his kitchen or hers and an apron bearing
the Falcons mascot.
Verizon donated two Dell notebook computers and a year of free Internet access, while First American Home Warranty donated
coverage on the house and the appliances. The Sears optical department at the Morgantown Mall donated eye exams and glasses
through 2011, while Wilson Martino Dental offered free care for all seven smiles.
Angie Turner hopes her family's story will inspire others "to want to do more, to want to give more."
And as for her own kids?
"I guess we can dream bigger dreams now."
A Dose of Reality: Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants - December 12: Lesson One - Shut Up, Look Pretty
by R.J. Carter
Published: December 12, 2007
I have to wonder sometimes if the Hussein estate is collecting royalty off every "Mother of all..." things that get to bandy about the
title. Now it's finally lost enough of its original umph to be applied to a reality show -- a pageant, of all things. The CW introduces us
tonight to Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, where eleven pairs of moms and daughters will live together for eight weeks as they
compete for a $100,000 prize. (How long before their cycles synch up and they try to kill each other?) While there, they will undergo
"intense training" and perform in front of judges, after which the worst performing duo will be de-sashed.
On most reality shows, you wouldn't expect the drama to begin right away. I mean, you really need to know someone rather well in
order to start hating them. But we do have our eye on a few... shall we say, "special" mother/daughter teams that will likely attract ire
and cause consternation. Chief among them are Patty and Laura from Florida, who right away declare that they are the team to beat,
despite having absolutely no experience with pageants. They have -- according to them -- the personality, the body, and the look. Plus,
daughter Laura thinks she has something in the talent department, which we'll get to later.
Providing the counterpoint to this pair is Gina and Hollis, some Texas girls who have plenty of experience with the perception of
pageants, even if they've never been in one. Their goal is to show girls across the country that beauty comes in many forms -- and yes,
you'd expect this to come from females who aren't waiflike ninety-pounders, which neither Gina nor Hollis are. But they're still a pair
of cuties, and mother Gina harmonizes well with daughter Hollis's singing.
Brenda and Heather are a pair of platinum blondes from West Virginia who declare their minds are their secret weapons. (It writes
itself, folks: Blonde. West Virginia. Brains. Come up with your own jokes, I've got a column to write.) They're counting on the first
impression they make on the others to be considered dumb. "The blonde hair fools a lot of people," says daughter Heather -- a law
school student!
Before we meet the rest of our contestants one-on-one, we're whisked to the front of the mansion -- it could be the Beauty and the
Geek mansion; they're all starting to look alike -- where our host, Miss New York 1995 and former Miss USA Shanna Moakler
welcomes them to the competition. As she explains it, the purpose of the contest is to celebrate "what it means to be a modern beauty."
Which is code for, "It's not just about looks." Which itself is code for, "Ugly girls need not hope to win." Shanna introduces them all to
their pageant director, Linnea Maloney, who tells them, "If you listen to me, we will get along just fine. If you don't... we may have a
problem." Suddenly, we've gone from a beauty pageant to a women's prison movie? You've got my attention! Let's start the pillow
fights!
With the doors opened, the women swarm the house. And it is indeed beautiful inside. "It's like living in a fairy tale castle," say Gina
and Hollis. There are bunk beds (oh joy!) with roses laid out on them (did a certain Bachelor stop by?), and arrangements of cupcakes
on display. It's not long before we learn who the eaters are, and who are the ones who survive on nutrients pulled from the air.
On to more contestants. Melinda and Rachelle are up next, and we learn that Rachelle has been competing in pageants since she was
15, and was a runner-up for Miss Arizona. Not to be outdone, Mome lets us know that she was a runner-up in another pageant... when
she was 6. You know, if you have to go back that far to find an accomplishment...
Jill and Nicole are up next, but all we learn from them is that daughter Nicole was awarded the title of Miss Delaware -- on her very
first try in a pageant! Shortly after this, we learn that Melinda just got a kidney transplant two years ago. Oh great, now I feel like a
jerk for my earlier comments. Well, not really. After all, if CW can throw a violin track to it, it's worthy mocking.
Pamela and Felicia have never been on an airplane before, let alone a pageant -- and it's a tad bit obvious. They're the first to hit the
cupcakes, and the editors like to show them when they've got something being shoved in their face. The two "intelligent blondes" see
them as no competition at all, instantly setting the stage for the audience to begin rooting for the underdogs. Meanwhile, whoever did
Katey Sagal's hair on Married with Children is still employed at a salon somewhere, and Pamela's paying the guy money to stick with
the same style. Yikes!
Jenileigh is the current Miss Wyoming, and her mother Moya is her seamstress. When Jenileigh was three, her family lost her father
and the house. "This competition... is a life changing event for us," says Moya. Hmm... a family-slash-financial hardship that's twenty
years past vs. a two-year-old kidney transplant? I dunno, I've gotta go with the organ recipient on this one.
From New Mexico come Andrea and Amanda, and their strategy is that they'll not reveal to anyone what the talent portion of their
competition will be. Mama Andrea says she will fight hard knowing that this money is for her daughter. One assumes that if the
$100,000 was just going to be hers, she'd slack off and let someone else win.
Next up is Ada and Christan. Christan's a girl who does what she wants. At 14, Ada had to send her to Girls Town, and Christan got
mad about it. Ooh! Apparently they've been working it out ever since.
Patty -- remember her? Laura's mom? -- has brough her own food: frozen hamburgers. Gina, who's the "Martha Stewart" of the
bunch, according to Hamburger Patty, is cooking for the rest of the house. As the food is set out, Laura is certain that Gina and Hollis
are her "non-competition" -- and when mom interrupts her during the interview segment, Laura gives her an eye-roll that apparently
never got slapped off of her at an early enough age.
Elimination Competition: First Impressions
Linnea informs the group about the first contest: the women have to think of a team name, then create a themed outfit and a creative
way of introducing themselves to the judges. She emphasises that the roles of mother and daughter are to be retained while still
expressing themselves as a team.
So it's off to the brainstorming sessions. Brenda and Heather are looking for something "southern-y." Brenda suggests "Country
Bumpkins," and Heather tells her, "Okay, you're fired." They quickly settle, however, on the name "Blonde Bombshells." And
they're the intelligent pair, remember? Apparently intelligence doesn't always gift one with creativity.
Amanda and Andrea toss out names and consider "The Lean Queens." When Amanda suggests that all the girls there could be
considered lean queens, Andrea casts a glance askance over at Jenileigh and Hollis and says, "Oh, honey, not all." "You'll never win
Miss Congeniality that way," Amanda says to her mom, chidingly. Aren't they just the sweetest things? They ultimately decide on
"The Reigning A's" -- because both their first names start with the letter "A." I can think of another word that starts with "A," and I
bet you can too, if you just think about it for a little bit.
Annette and Alana are a couple we haven't seen much of yet. Annette suggests they try out "Sophisticated Ladies." Which would have
been a good name, except her California daughter can't spell a word that big. Mom has her doctorate, and apparently used up all the
education funding for the family. But I have to wonder how smart mom really is when she goes along with Alana's final suggestion:
"Silent But Deadly."
Switching scenes, it's a mad-dash to the wardrobe warehouse, where Pam and Felicia -- the "Tomboy Queens" -- are looking for sexy
army fatigues. Moya declares that her team is the "Daredevil Divas," but Jenileigh isn't finding anything that fits the thieme.
Fortunately for the "Daredevil Divas," Hollis and Gina had extra time to help them find outfits. Unfortunately, the resulting costumes
make them look like goldfish in reflective costumes that look like they were scraped off a disco ball somewhere. Jenileigh feels like a
stuffed fish, and lets the viewers know that she's insecure about her body, having gone back and forth with weight issues.
Hollis and Gina wrote their own song, which they'll use to introduce themselves to the judges. As they practice, the "Reigning A's" are
busy racing each other, excercising on the track and focusing on their physical appearance. As usual, they're keeping themselves
segregated from the rest of the contestants.
Christan and her mom are also working on prepared intros, but they keep forgetting their lines. Well, mom does, at least. That can't be
a good thing. And mom actually looks like she's scared of her daughter at times. This woman needs twenty cc's of self-esteem, stat!.
Shriek & Violate. Laura (left) practices her vocal exercises
early in the morning, with mother Patty by her side.
(Is that gum in her mouth?)
The following morning, Laura shows off her siren-like qualities. No, I mean siren as in ambulance. She's warming up with her mom,
Hamburger Patty, and her vocal exercises are deafening whatever dogs are walking near the compound. Birds are exploding as they fly
over. There's a crack in my television screen that wasn't there before. Imagine Olive Oyl doing a falsetto soprano and you're almost
there. Of course, it wakes up everyone in the house, because it's still only seven thirty! Hollis gets out of bed and suggests that there
are people still sleeping. "Well, we're gonna rehearse. Sorry," says Laura matter-of-factly. Ah, I see the Yotch family is in the
competition. Laura and Patty -- both sharing the middle name Bea. I see a confrontation in the near future, and it ain't gonna be pretty.
Here Come De Judges
The girls are all warming up in the hallway as they prepare to take their acts before the judges. In addition to Miss Moakler, the
contestants will also have to impress VH1 and TV Guide Channel personality Cynthia Garrett, and Queer Eye fashion guruu Carson
Kressley. This is going to be fun...
The first team out of the chute is the Redhead Bombshells -- only a slightly more silly name than the Blonde Bombshells. The team is
Laura and Patty, who introduce each other with a pretty little shared-line poem with verses like "Laura likes to eat," and "Mama loves
her hamburger meat." Laura then gives a quick, ear-piercing demonstration of her screeching ability, which is actually worse than her
warmups if that's possible. She's almost in the range that only dogs can hear, which would be nice because then we couldn't hear it.
Laura is definitely overly confident, and even defensive when the judges begin questioning their intro, prompting Carson to ask Laura
if she drinks a lot of caffeine.
Up next is the Blonde Bombshells -- with a team name that now seems so much more appropriate after following that first act. But they
endure a bad entry, with belle dresses and floppy hats covering their faces. Heather and her mom explain that a blonde bombshell is
"intelligent and smart," ironically proving the concept of the blonde bombshell. The judges don't buy it, and Cynthia tells them it's
definitely not the best choice for a team name.
The Dream Girls are quickly becoming my personal picks of the group. Gina and Hollis enter singing -- no, really singing. They're
having fun, they're harmonizing. Carson lets out an exuberant, "God bless Texas!" The duo explain to the judges that they've never
done this before, and exit on a positive note. No doubt about it -- they're staying in the competition this week.
Okay, did Bjork have a yard sale, or did the Diamond Dolls mug a couple of ostriches to make these dresses? They too have a cutesy
little intro poem, which talks about their obsession with shopping malls. Carson explains that the name of the team sounds "kinda
superficial," and then the pair go into explaining about mom's kidney transplant and how the money will go to help pay medical bills.
This is the stuff the judges really wanted to see, but when the girls go backstage, mom starts to break down into tears, worried that
she's tanked the deal for her daughter since Carson thought they were "superficial" (which he didn't).
Speaking of superficial, though, here comes team Skin Deep. They intro with a light rap song before Shanna gets to tell them that
"skin deep" implies shallow, while the mother and daughter probably meant the exact opposite. But no... Mom says she thinks of the
name as meaning "deeply rooted; to be skin deep, it does deal with depth." Yes, but just not very much of it. Shanna and Cynthia can
barely contain their giggles at the explanation, and agree after the exit that the pair just got the meaning wrong.
The Tomboy Queens enter with all the grace of... well, there's no grace to that entry at all, so why belabor it with an overly cute
metaphor? Carson is taken with the military uniform look, and he also likes the "queen" bit of their names. Cynthia thinks the look
is original, but tells Felicia that she needs to work on her hair. (See, I'm not the only one who thought that!)
The Sassy Sisters, Jill and Nicole, think they can definitely beat Felicia and Pamela, which only serves to make this viewer root for
the Tomboy Queens even more. They also have another poem for an intro -- apparently this was the "original" idea that all the teams
had. However, the name and the intro leave the judges cold -- the women didn't retain their individual roles, and Linnea had instructed
them. "You're not sisters, nor should you be," Cynthia warns them.
Now we're up to the Reigning A's. Amanda and Andrea will now reveal the talent bit that they were keeping under wraps. They enter
in some sort of "Egyptian Gown meets Bay Window Curtains" outfit, and we learn taht their special secret talent is... talking. And
more talking. With talking on top of that, as they explain in excruciating detail what the definition of "reign" is. They interrupt
Carson ("But wait, there's more!" he says) when he starts to question them. Shanna finally tells them that they're "saying a lot" but
that she's not really getting what they're saying. Carson declares that he needs an interpreter, and Cynthia has to ask again where
they're from, because she already forgot. "They were so boring," says Carson -- but, oops!, they weren't quite off the stage before he let
slip that opinion!
In their tacky mirrored dresses, the Daredevil Divas take the stage. Apparently they're both into bodybuilding, and they've got the
biceps to prove it. It turns out that Jenileigh is an aerialist, which explains her fit physique. "Your outfits make my eyes bleed," says
Carson -- but the fact that they're so comfortable in them wins them beaucoup points in his eyes, so it's a good first impression overall.
Now the judges get a whiff of team Silent But Deadly, and it goes just the way you thought it would. Daughter Alana is incredibly
poised for an 18 year old, and that wins the judges favor. But when Carson asks them to explain the name, Alana says it's because they
have no experience, thus they're forced to be silent, learn, and execute when ready. Carson then explains to them what everyone else
thinks of when they hear the phrase, and mom is later appalled that someone would thnk of that. Ah, the things they don't teach you
when you're getting that higher education...
Christan and Ada are the last pair out, and the name of their team is Hot & Not. Yes, that's the daughter/mother love we expected: a
team name that shows how with-it the daughter is while deprecating mom's role for being out of touch. They deliver their lines, and
Christan has to prompt her mom when she forgets them. Ada starts apologizing on stage, and Christan forces a "Mom, stop," through
her frozen smile. Shanna wants to see the confidence in Ada go up if they continue in this competition, and Cynthia has issues with
Christan telling her mom that she's not hot. This gets Christan to turn on the waterworks, because she really loves her mom. Yeah, we
can see that.
De-Sashed
The teams are all brought back out before the judges for the De-Sashing Ceremony. Laura is confident that they will not be
eliminated -- and she's probably right. The producers are smart enough to keep the irritants on a reality show for at least a couple of
weeks to draw the viewers back.
The jewel-encrusted shears are brought out, and the judges begin addressing the teams.
Shanna tells the Diamond Dolls that she wants to see what's inside them. "Like your new kidney," says Carson. They're safe.
Carson tells Skin Deep that he likes their attitude, and they are also safe.
Cynthia informs Hot & Not that it should have been Hot & Hot, and that there's promise for both of them if they take this journey
together. They'll be back next week.
The Sassy Sisters need to be individuals according to Shanna. They'll get another week to prove that they can be.
Cynthia didn't love the name of the Redhead Bombshells, and tells Laura that she needs to "lay off the defensiveness." However,
they're safe this week, as Cynthia thinks they have "somewhere to get."
Carson's was impressed enough with the comfort and confidence of the Daredevil Divas in their hideous outfits that he's keeping them
another week.
Cynthia tells the Tomboy Queens that they are diamonds in the rough and have much potential. She also then addresses Silent But
Deadly and says she liked their communication despite their poorly chosen team name.
And then there were three. Shanna Moakler calls the Blonde Bombshells, Dream Gals, and Reigning A's down from the stage. Each of
these three had standout performances, she says, but for different reasons. One of them had the highest overall score, while the others
finished in the bottom two.
No surprise, it's the Dream Gals who knocked out the judges. Shanna says they were "blown away" by their introduction. The Dream
Gals are definitely the dream team in this contest.
To the Blonde Bombshells: Shanna says the judges didn't get to see them as individuals, to which Carson says they "didn't get to see
them because they were wearing those 'horrendo' hats." He also adds that they looked like Amish hookers! Cynthia says that they put
themselves in a box of "blonde bombshell" and nothing more with their name selection.
To the Reigning A's: They talked too much. "You guys were talking, and I'm not really sure what you were talking about," says
Shanna. Carson doesn't feel like they made an impression.
Shanna asks the Blonde Bombshells to take up the shears... and then are told to desash the Reigning A's. There's a collective gasp of
shock from everyone at the "twist." Andrea and Amanda theorize that maybe they didn't put themselves out there enough. The more
likely theory is that they put themselves out there a little too much. Regardless, the reign of the Reigning A's is a short one.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
By Vicki Smith, The Associated Press
Dale Sparks, Associated Press
ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" crew and construction workers exit Fairmont, W.Va., resident Richard Turner's house
Thursday after applying finishing touches.FAIRMONT, W.Va. -- For years, Angie Turner had dreamed of ways to get her children out
of their tiny 600-square-foot home and into something bigger. Now she realizes it was a test of faith.
"I tried every way, but God just said, 'Wait. Wait.' He put us in that house for this long just for today, just for the glory of Him," she
said.
And the wait was worth it.
On Friday, the family of seven moved into a new 2,800-square-foot home built by ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,"
preparing to spend their first night in a place where all five children have beds of their own.
"It's amazing. Unbelievable," said Angie Turner's daughter, Theresa Lodge, 13. "Now, even though we have more room, we're closer
together. We have so much room to be together now."
Son Desmond Evans, 16, had slept on the floor next to bunk beds where his brother and cousin slept. Now, he has his own room.
Huffman Corp. of Bridgeport built the home, which was designed by The Omni Associates Architects Inc. of Fairmont. Three
truckloads of furniture were donated by Levin Furniture of Pittsburgh. As many as 1,000 people volunteered on the weeklong project.
The Turners were picked for the Emmy-winning show for their devotion to community, their ability to overcome obstacles and their
love for one another.
Richard and Angie married in 2003, bringing her children -- Theresa, Desmond and 12-year-old Tyron Lodge -- together with Richard
Turner's 13-year-old daughter Layton, and, about a year ago, his 14-year-old cousin Michael Jones.
The Turners, who work with mentally challenged adults, also help keep teenagers out of trouble by mentoring and by coaching local
football, basketball and cheerleading teams.
"We'll continue to serve. We were put here to serve," Angie Turner said as her exhausted husband nodded quietly behind her. "We all
have a purpose in life, and it's just fortunate that we found our purpose.
"If he asks us to do bigger things, we'll do bigger things," she said. "Wherever he places us at, we're going."
The Turners can't reveal details about the inside of their home until the Fairmont episode airs next spring, but the daughters
described their bedroom as "glamorous" and involving a fashion theme.
Gifts from a generous community continued to roll in Friday, nearly 24 hours after the house was revealed before a screaming crowd of
hundreds.
City officials presented an award from Gov. Joe Manchin naming the Turner family Distinguished Mountaineers, then announced
that private donors had paid off the mortgage on the family's old home.
Fairmont State University, where Angie Turner is trying to earn a master's degree in special education, waived her tuition for two
semesters and offered free books for the rest of her academic career, as well as free fitness center memberships and tickets to any
athletic event for the whole family.
A culinary arts instructor presented Layton Turner, an aspiring cook, with private lessons in his kitchen or hers and an apron bearing
the Falcons mascot.
Verizon donated two Dell notebook computers and a year of free Internet access, while First American Home Warranty donated
coverage on the house and the appliances. The Sears optical department at the Morgantown Mall donated eye exams and glasses
through 2011, while Wilson Martino Dental offered free care for all seven smiles.
Angie Turner hopes her family's story will inspire others "to want to do more, to want to give more."
And as for her own kids?
"I guess we can dream bigger dreams now."
A Dose of Reality: Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants - December 12: Lesson One - Shut Up, Look Pretty
by R.J. Carter
Published: December 12, 2007
I have to wonder sometimes if the Hussein estate is collecting royalty off every "Mother of all..." things that get to bandy about the
title. Now it's finally lost enough of its original umph to be applied to a reality show -- a pageant, of all things. The CW introduces us
tonight to Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, where eleven pairs of moms and daughters will live together for eight weeks as they
compete for a $100,000 prize. (How long before their cycles synch up and they try to kill each other?) While there, they will undergo
"intense training" and perform in front of judges, after which the worst performing duo will be de-sashed.
On most reality shows, you wouldn't expect the drama to begin right away. I mean, you really need to know someone rather well in
order to start hating them. But we do have our eye on a few... shall we say, "special" mother/daughter teams that will likely attract ire
and cause consternation. Chief among them are Patty and Laura from Florida, who right away declare that they are the team to beat,
despite having absolutely no experience with pageants. They have -- according to them -- the personality, the body, and the look. Plus,
daughter Laura thinks she has something in the talent department, which we'll get to later.
Providing the counterpoint to this pair is Gina and Hollis, some Texas girls who have plenty of experience with the perception of
pageants, even if they've never been in one. Their goal is to show girls across the country that beauty comes in many forms -- and yes,
you'd expect this to come from females who aren't waiflike ninety-pounders, which neither Gina nor Hollis are. But they're still a pair
of cuties, and mother Gina harmonizes well with daughter Hollis's singing.
Brenda and Heather are a pair of platinum blondes from West Virginia who declare their minds are their secret weapons. (It writes
itself, folks: Blonde. West Virginia. Brains. Come up with your own jokes, I've got a column to write.) They're counting on the first
impression they make on the others to be considered dumb. "The blonde hair fools a lot of people," says daughter Heather -- a law
school student!
Before we meet the rest of our contestants one-on-one, we're whisked to the front of the mansion -- it could be the Beauty and the
Geek mansion; they're all starting to look alike -- where our host, Miss New York 1995 and former Miss USA Shanna Moakler
welcomes them to the competition. As she explains it, the purpose of the contest is to celebrate "what it means to be a modern beauty."
Which is code for, "It's not just about looks." Which itself is code for, "Ugly girls need not hope to win." Shanna introduces them all to
their pageant director, Linnea Maloney, who tells them, "If you listen to me, we will get along just fine. If you don't... we may have a
problem." Suddenly, we've gone from a beauty pageant to a women's prison movie? You've got my attention! Let's start the pillow
fights!
With the doors opened, the women swarm the house. And it is indeed beautiful inside. "It's like living in a fairy tale castle," say Gina
and Hollis. There are bunk beds (oh joy!) with roses laid out on them (did a certain Bachelor stop by?), and arrangements of cupcakes
on display. It's not long before we learn who the eaters are, and who are the ones who survive on nutrients pulled from the air.
On to more contestants. Melinda and Rachelle are up next, and we learn that Rachelle has been competing in pageants since she was
15, and was a runner-up for Miss Arizona. Not to be outdone, Mome lets us know that she was a runner-up in another pageant... when
she was 6. You know, if you have to go back that far to find an accomplishment...
Jill and Nicole are up next, but all we learn from them is that daughter Nicole was awarded the title of Miss Delaware -- on her very
first try in a pageant! Shortly after this, we learn that Melinda just got a kidney transplant two years ago. Oh great, now I feel like a
jerk for my earlier comments. Well, not really. After all, if CW can throw a violin track to it, it's worthy mocking.
Pamela and Felicia have never been on an airplane before, let alone a pageant -- and it's a tad bit obvious. They're the first to hit the
cupcakes, and the editors like to show them when they've got something being shoved in their face. The two "intelligent blondes" see
them as no competition at all, instantly setting the stage for the audience to begin rooting for the underdogs. Meanwhile, whoever did
Katey Sagal's hair on Married with Children is still employed at a salon somewhere, and Pamela's paying the guy money to stick with
the same style. Yikes!
Jenileigh is the current Miss Wyoming, and her mother Moya is her seamstress. When Jenileigh was three, her family lost her father
and the house. "This competition... is a life changing event for us," says Moya. Hmm... a family-slash-financial hardship that's twenty
years past vs. a two-year-old kidney transplant? I dunno, I've gotta go with the organ recipient on this one.
From New Mexico come Andrea and Amanda, and their strategy is that they'll not reveal to anyone what the talent portion of their
competition will be. Mama Andrea says she will fight hard knowing that this money is for her daughter. One assumes that if the
$100,000 was just going to be hers, she'd slack off and let someone else win.
Next up is Ada and Christan. Christan's a girl who does what she wants. At 14, Ada had to send her to Girls Town, and Christan got
mad about it. Ooh! Apparently they've been working it out ever since.
Patty -- remember her? Laura's mom? -- has brough her own food: frozen hamburgers. Gina, who's the "Martha Stewart" of the
bunch, according to Hamburger Patty, is cooking for the rest of the house. As the food is set out, Laura is certain that Gina and Hollis
are her "non-competition" -- and when mom interrupts her during the interview segment, Laura gives her an eye-roll that apparently
never got slapped off of her at an early enough age.
Elimination Competition: First Impressions
Linnea informs the group about the first contest: the women have to think of a team name, then create a themed outfit and a creative
way of introducing themselves to the judges. She emphasises that the roles of mother and daughter are to be retained while still
expressing themselves as a team.
So it's off to the brainstorming sessions. Brenda and Heather are looking for something "southern-y." Brenda suggests "Country
Bumpkins," and Heather tells her, "Okay, you're fired." They quickly settle, however, on the name "Blonde Bombshells." And
they're the intelligent pair, remember? Apparently intelligence doesn't always gift one with creativity.
Amanda and Andrea toss out names and consider "The Lean Queens." When Amanda suggests that all the girls there could be
considered lean queens, Andrea casts a glance askance over at Jenileigh and Hollis and says, "Oh, honey, not all." "You'll never win
Miss Congeniality that way," Amanda says to her mom, chidingly. Aren't they just the sweetest things? They ultimately decide on
"The Reigning A's" -- because both their first names start with the letter "A." I can think of another word that starts with "A," and I
bet you can too, if you just think about it for a little bit.
Annette and Alana are a couple we haven't seen much of yet. Annette suggests they try out "Sophisticated Ladies." Which would have
been a good name, except her California daughter can't spell a word that big. Mom has her doctorate, and apparently used up all the
education funding for the family. But I have to wonder how smart mom really is when she goes along with Alana's final suggestion:
"Silent But Deadly."
Switching scenes, it's a mad-dash to the wardrobe warehouse, where Pam and Felicia -- the "Tomboy Queens" -- are looking for sexy
army fatigues. Moya declares that her team is the "Daredevil Divas," but Jenileigh isn't finding anything that fits the thieme.
Fortunately for the "Daredevil Divas," Hollis and Gina had extra time to help them find outfits. Unfortunately, the resulting costumes
make them look like goldfish in reflective costumes that look like they were scraped off a disco ball somewhere. Jenileigh feels like a
stuffed fish, and lets the viewers know that she's insecure about her body, having gone back and forth with weight issues.
Hollis and Gina wrote their own song, which they'll use to introduce themselves to the judges. As they practice, the "Reigning A's" are
busy racing each other, excercising on the track and focusing on their physical appearance. As usual, they're keeping themselves
segregated from the rest of the contestants.
Christan and her mom are also working on prepared intros, but they keep forgetting their lines. Well, mom does, at least. That can't be
a good thing. And mom actually looks like she's scared of her daughter at times. This woman needs twenty cc's of self-esteem, stat!.
Shriek & Violate. Laura (left) practices her vocal exercises
early in the morning, with mother Patty by her side.
(Is that gum in her mouth?)
The following morning, Laura shows off her siren-like qualities. No, I mean siren as in ambulance. She's warming up with her mom,
Hamburger Patty, and her vocal exercises are deafening whatever dogs are walking near the compound. Birds are exploding as they fly
over. There's a crack in my television screen that wasn't there before. Imagine Olive Oyl doing a falsetto soprano and you're almost
there. Of course, it wakes up everyone in the house, because it's still only seven thirty! Hollis gets out of bed and suggests that there
are people still sleeping. "Well, we're gonna rehearse. Sorry," says Laura matter-of-factly. Ah, I see the Yotch family is in the
competition. Laura and Patty -- both sharing the middle name Bea. I see a confrontation in the near future, and it ain't gonna be pretty.
Here Come De Judges
The girls are all warming up in the hallway as they prepare to take their acts before the judges. In addition to Miss Moakler, the
contestants will also have to impress VH1 and TV Guide Channel personality Cynthia Garrett, and Queer Eye fashion guruu Carson
Kressley. This is going to be fun...
The first team out of the chute is the Redhead Bombshells -- only a slightly more silly name than the Blonde Bombshells. The team is
Laura and Patty, who introduce each other with a pretty little shared-line poem with verses like "Laura likes to eat," and "Mama loves
her hamburger meat." Laura then gives a quick, ear-piercing demonstration of her screeching ability, which is actually worse than her
warmups if that's possible. She's almost in the range that only dogs can hear, which would be nice because then we couldn't hear it.
Laura is definitely overly confident, and even defensive when the judges begin questioning their intro, prompting Carson to ask Laura
if she drinks a lot of caffeine.
Up next is the Blonde Bombshells -- with a team name that now seems so much more appropriate after following that first act. But they
endure a bad entry, with belle dresses and floppy hats covering their faces. Heather and her mom explain that a blonde bombshell is
"intelligent and smart," ironically proving the concept of the blonde bombshell. The judges don't buy it, and Cynthia tells them it's
definitely not the best choice for a team name.
The Dream Girls are quickly becoming my personal picks of the group. Gina and Hollis enter singing -- no, really singing. They're
having fun, they're harmonizing. Carson lets out an exuberant, "God bless Texas!" The duo explain to the judges that they've never
done this before, and exit on a positive note. No doubt about it -- they're staying in the competition this week.
Okay, did Bjork have a yard sale, or did the Diamond Dolls mug a couple of ostriches to make these dresses? They too have a cutesy
little intro poem, which talks about their obsession with shopping malls. Carson explains that the name of the team sounds "kinda
superficial," and then the pair go into explaining about mom's kidney transplant and how the money will go to help pay medical bills.
This is the stuff the judges really wanted to see, but when the girls go backstage, mom starts to break down into tears, worried that
she's tanked the deal for her daughter since Carson thought they were "superficial" (which he didn't).
Speaking of superficial, though, here comes team Skin Deep. They intro with a light rap song before Shanna gets to tell them that
"skin deep" implies shallow, while the mother and daughter probably meant the exact opposite. But no... Mom says she thinks of the
name as meaning "deeply rooted; to be skin deep, it does deal with depth." Yes, but just not very much of it. Shanna and Cynthia can
barely contain their giggles at the explanation, and agree after the exit that the pair just got the meaning wrong.
The Tomboy Queens enter with all the grace of... well, there's no grace to that entry at all, so why belabor it with an overly cute
metaphor? Carson is taken with the military uniform look, and he also likes the "queen" bit of their names. Cynthia thinks the look
is original, but tells Felicia that she needs to work on her hair. (See, I'm not the only one who thought that!)
The Sassy Sisters, Jill and Nicole, think they can definitely beat Felicia and Pamela, which only serves to make this viewer root for
the Tomboy Queens even more. They also have another poem for an intro -- apparently this was the "original" idea that all the teams
had. However, the name and the intro leave the judges cold -- the women didn't retain their individual roles, and Linnea had instructed
them. "You're not sisters, nor should you be," Cynthia warns them.
Now we're up to the Reigning A's. Amanda and Andrea will now reveal the talent bit that they were keeping under wraps. They enter
in some sort of "Egyptian Gown meets Bay Window Curtains" outfit, and we learn taht their special secret talent is... talking. And
more talking. With talking on top of that, as they explain in excruciating detail what the definition of "reign" is. They interrupt
Carson ("But wait, there's more!" he says) when he starts to question them. Shanna finally tells them that they're "saying a lot" but
that she's not really getting what they're saying. Carson declares that he needs an interpreter, and Cynthia has to ask again where
they're from, because she already forgot. "They were so boring," says Carson -- but, oops!, they weren't quite off the stage before he let
slip that opinion!
In their tacky mirrored dresses, the Daredevil Divas take the stage. Apparently they're both into bodybuilding, and they've got the
biceps to prove it. It turns out that Jenileigh is an aerialist, which explains her fit physique. "Your outfits make my eyes bleed," says
Carson -- but the fact that they're so comfortable in them wins them beaucoup points in his eyes, so it's a good first impression overall.
Now the judges get a whiff of team Silent But Deadly, and it goes just the way you thought it would. Daughter Alana is incredibly
poised for an 18 year old, and that wins the judges favor. But when Carson asks them to explain the name, Alana says it's because they
have no experience, thus they're forced to be silent, learn, and execute when ready. Carson then explains to them what everyone else
thinks of when they hear the phrase, and mom is later appalled that someone would thnk of that. Ah, the things they don't teach you
when you're getting that higher education...
Christan and Ada are the last pair out, and the name of their team is Hot & Not. Yes, that's the daughter/mother love we expected: a
team name that shows how with-it the daughter is while deprecating mom's role for being out of touch. They deliver their lines, and
Christan has to prompt her mom when she forgets them. Ada starts apologizing on stage, and Christan forces a "Mom, stop," through
her frozen smile. Shanna wants to see the confidence in Ada go up if they continue in this competition, and Cynthia has issues with
Christan telling her mom that she's not hot. This gets Christan to turn on the waterworks, because she really loves her mom. Yeah, we
can see that.
De-Sashed
The teams are all brought back out before the judges for the De-Sashing Ceremony. Laura is confident that they will not be
eliminated -- and she's probably right. The producers are smart enough to keep the irritants on a reality show for at least a couple of
weeks to draw the viewers back.
The jewel-encrusted shears are brought out, and the judges begin addressing the teams.
Shanna tells the Diamond Dolls that she wants to see what's inside them. "Like your new kidney," says Carson. They're safe.
Carson tells Skin Deep that he likes their attitude, and they are also safe.
Cynthia informs Hot & Not that it should have been Hot & Hot, and that there's promise for both of them if they take this journey
together. They'll be back next week.
The Sassy Sisters need to be individuals according to Shanna. They'll get another week to prove that they can be.
Cynthia didn't love the name of the Redhead Bombshells, and tells Laura that she needs to "lay off the defensiveness." However,
they're safe this week, as Cynthia thinks they have "somewhere to get."
Carson's was impressed enough with the comfort and confidence of the Daredevil Divas in their hideous outfits that he's keeping them
another week.
Cynthia tells the Tomboy Queens that they are diamonds in the rough and have much potential. She also then addresses Silent But
Deadly and says she liked their communication despite their poorly chosen team name.
And then there were three. Shanna Moakler calls the Blonde Bombshells, Dream Gals, and Reigning A's down from the stage. Each of
these three had standout performances, she says, but for different reasons. One of them had the highest overall score, while the others
finished in the bottom two.
No surprise, it's the Dream Gals who knocked out the judges. Shanna says they were "blown away" by their introduction. The Dream
Gals are definitely the dream team in this contest.
To the Blonde Bombshells: Shanna says the judges didn't get to see them as individuals, to which Carson says they "didn't get to see
them because they were wearing those 'horrendo' hats." He also adds that they looked like Amish hookers! Cynthia says that they put
themselves in a box of "blonde bombshell" and nothing more with their name selection.
To the Reigning A's: They talked too much. "You guys were talking, and I'm not really sure what you were talking about," says
Shanna. Carson doesn't feel like they made an impression.
Shanna asks the Blonde Bombshells to take up the shears... and then are told to desash the Reigning A's. There's a collective gasp of
shock from everyone at the "twist." Andrea and Amanda theorize that maybe they didn't put themselves out there enough. The more
likely theory is that they put themselves out there a little too much. Regardless, the reign of the Reigning A's is a short one.
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